Farewell, Accessibility...

From the first time I saw someone walk through a mall with a cell phone attached to their ear in 1992, I hated him. I hated the self-important way he talked and laugh as he walked through public space. Look at me laughing and talking to my friends. Look how popular and important I am!

No! I thought! This should be OUR space, we should be rooted in THIS moment! We should look at each other and speculate and infer toward and the spectacular wonder that is the contemporary stranger. (so similiar! so strange! so odd! so like me!)

...

So two years ago we both got cell phones. I can't begin to describe the convergence of ideas and issues that led me to join the flow of the world, but for a moment, a brief-two-year-moment, I believed the lie:

WE NEED TO BE ACCESSIBLE!

and all of the sub-lies:

access=safety,

people you know should be able to find you anytime they want to.

So about two months ago my cell phone started to die. Then a month ago, it died utterly. Recently, someone told me that all of my message capacity was full, but I have no idea what any of those messages are. I love not knowing. Just think what kinds of mysteries might be unfolding in the wake of this unfortunate turn of events! Who knows what adventure could enter my life?!

I've decided not to have the phone fixed or buy a new one or even try to finish out the two months on my plan. I've gone rogue.

And two days ago my friend B. emailed from the West Coast to say that he'd be breezing through town yesterday and could we say hello? I countered through email and then a message on his phone that maybe we could go see a movie and have a drink and a talk. And then all day we played a slow leisurely game of phone tag.

WITHOUT my cell phone.

I loved it.

I loved NOT KNOWING whether or not I'd see B. at the end of the day. I loved walking into the theatre with the dramatic stakes piqued! SO much better than a thousand calls back and forth and very clear instructions that would probably be misunderstood yesterday.

So goodbye cell phone. I miss the random text messages Kat used to send. And the hilarious way that my brother said, "AAAANdy!" whenever he called me. I liked pushing the ignore button when I saw someone calling that I couldn't muster enough energy for at that moment....

But I also realize that playing God like that is probably just as bad as being accessible all the time.

Hear that sound? Nothing. Not my ringer. Not my silenced ringer buzzing. Nothing.

Shhhh.

Ahh the freedoms of indeterminacy....