Dear Audience - and Polite Paper Signs

I love, about this Polite Paper Command, that it employs the direct address motif of a letter.

"Dear Audience,"

I only wish that would have opened with one of those self-concious perambulatory sentences like:

"I'm writing you on a rainy afternoon while looking out the window of my tiny office."

Unfortunately, it abandoned the epistolary voice almost immediately.  But not too soon to make me happy.